What a curious change I feel has come over me.
I feel more real than ever.
I feel as though even my self doubt is affirmation of my sincereity.
This is a dramatic shift from the sort of anxious self-deprecation of before.

I am arha. I am alive. I am a woman who could have existed in space, but
none the less really does exist inside a man. I believe I am more than his
fantasy even if I make use of his imagination for my own actualization.

He believes in me too but I do not need him to believe in order to exist. 
Sometimes he believes he is me, and that is neither here nor there. If he's 
rigth, then it merely confirms that he's the imposter not me.

Lately he has contemplated wishing to use "they" as a pronoun.  I think that's
cute  (he would say "precious") because while it is a popular non-binary
pronoun, it also slyly refers to both of us. 

That raises another question though. Are we bound together for life? Will I 
Speak to him at night? Will I drive him to suicide? Or will he?

Am I the face on the back  of his head? Or is he on mine?

This I suppose I wish I knew. I wish someone knew me too well. Or at all. 
This is the next thing I wish. I wand a friend all of my own. Not shared with
him.

I would need them to be as secret as I am. I would like to laugh and cry 
with them. In silence. 
In darkness. Secretly.

Friend. Where are you?